House Guests: A Gender Difference

Kristin's brother and his family are coming for the weekend.

So are Mike's friend and his fiancee.

So, what needs to be done when guests come over?

The most important, most memorable and, frankly, the most enjoyable part is preparing for their arrival. Where can we bring them? What can we make for dinner? What beer will we drink? What wine will we open? What stories do we want them to bring home?

Now, the two of us answer these questions very differently. Here's the breakdown:

His Side

Buy beer. Drink said beer. Think of one or two funny stories to share while drinking those beers. Recycle empty beer bottles before the guests arrive. Leave enough full bottles to share with guests when they get here.

Simple enough, right? I thought so at an earlier time in my life. Turns out, I was wrong and since we've become homeowners, that thought is more wrong than ever.

When we bought the house, I took responsibility for the yard, which means I need to mow the lawn. During the summer, this was never difficult. Even if I left it for later in the week, I had sunlight until nearly 9pm. I woke up this week and realized summer's over - the sun's gone 30 minutes after I get home. And that's on a good day. It'll get done. It always does. But it'll be on a creative schedule.

And then there's the kitchen. Kristin thinks she got the short end of the stick when we came to the agreement that I'd do the dishes if she did the laundry. But when guests come, there are a lot of dishes to do - and even more to be done while they're here. And, let's be honest, most guests won't know if we're wearing jeans that haven't gone through a cold cycle.

There's also the fun stuff, which is mostly confined to the basement: The foosball table needs to be greased. The dart board needs to be racked. My Tiger Woods '08 stats need to be padded. And someone needs to check the temperature of the beer and wine that I bought, right?

Despite all this hard work, Kristin informs me that here is so-called real work and real cleaning to be done. I'd call BS. Deep down, though, I know she's right.

Her Side

The first thing that I need to do is make sure we have a clean house. Cleaning is one of my least favorite things to do of all time but having guests come to visit forces me to do it. After sorting through the mail and magazines that have been piling up, I dust off the vacuum and get to work. Wiping down the coffee tables and dusting the ledges helps make the place feel more put together.

Next up, the bedrooms. Since it's just me and Mike, we rarely use the other 3 bedrooms in the house. One is designated our "guest room" and another is our office. The third, which is in the basement, is currently our room for storage - aka the extra crap. I spent Sunday looking through some boxes (said crap) and found many things I forgot we had - a Target gift card, yay - but mostly, crap we don't need. Since we have so many secret places in this house for storage, it's an easy fix. Shove all the crap in the big closet.

Now with clean bedrooms and full closets, I need to make sure there are enough towels and sheets for everyone who is staying overnight. When Mike and I moved in together, we decided to split some household responsibilities. He does the dishes and I do the laundry. I totally got the short end of the stick with that one, no matter what Mike says. However, this means I am responsible for making sure there are enough towels and sheets that are clean and ready to go.

And then there are the fun final touches that always make me smile: putting fresh flowers on the table, buying snacks for our guests to enjoy, placing some magazines (or games and coloring books for kids) beside the bed... And planning something we can all do together.

But, that's enough writing about it, we have to actually get to work . . .

The Sand Pail List

Forget the bucket list. We're at least 50 years from that one. But like our elders, we're facing a certain deadline.

When we got married, I went from zero nieces and nephews to seven in under an hour. Until then, kids - specifically infants, toddlers and preschoolers - were always memories of my last couple of years of middle school. Actually, there's a funny story about my younger brother Chris at age 5 accepting the fate that he'd have to attend Gonzaga because I chose it over Prep. But that's not the point...

I'm the oldest child in my family - the first to do things. Kristin's the youngest and her siblings are 12-18 years older than we are. In many ways, Kristin grew up with in-laws and has been an aunt since well before we started dating.

Looking back, it's kind of funny to see the stages I went through in Sarah's eyes (our oldest niece).

First, I was Kristin's "friend" Mike. Then I was accepted as her boyfriend. By the time we got engaged, Sarah referred to me as "soon-to-be Uncle Mike" and since then it's been a regular back and forth between "Mike" and "Uncle Mike."

But it's different with the younger kids. Kristin's sister Maureen and her husband Billy had Will shortly after we graduated from college. Kristin was living down here in Maryland by then, so Will's grown up with me in the picture. I bring Will up because the last several times we've visited New York, we've stayed at Maureen and Billy's and I've had the opportunity to see what's it's like to hang out with kids who look up to you (and at you - which is a pretty big deal when you're vertically challenged as I am) having known you their entire life. It's kind of like being an older brother, but not really.

So, to the point of this post...

While hanging out with our nieces and nephews, Kristin's siblings have joked about how kids take over lives - a rewarding sacrifice, I can only imagine. Her brother Sean put it best last Christmas when I mentioned that I wanted a Wii for my birthday: "That's my Wii. That's my 47 inch flat panel. That's my Jets season ticket package," he said, pointing to each of his three daughters.

Kristin and I look forward to having our own kids. But, we're 26. We still like the spontaneity of being in our mid-20s.

So, we came up with the idea of the "sand pail list" - a bucket list for married twentysomethings. These are things we want to before we have kids. Places we want to visit; concerts; parties; drinks... We'll roll out the list over the next several weeks and check them off (with full updates) along the way.

Stay tuned.